Dear Representative Anthony “Bird Chest Ooops was that a @ instead of a D?” Weiner,

Nasty Self!

Nasty Self!

What the hell is wrong with you? I mean you’re last name is Weiner, and it’s not even pronounced whiner, so that puts a lot of pressure on you from the start I’m sure, because some people haven’t gotten past 4th grade in their minds. So for you to have this big of a public showing of your own wiener is just like slicing your leg open and jumping in a pool of rabies infested sharks. (I don’t think sharks can get rabies, but if they could, that’s exactly what you did).

And to top it all off, you’ve only been married a split second. Annnnd you’re talking about that not only did you send this stupid picture, but you’ve had at least 6 other online relationships “that your wife knew about”. Reading about your story and background, I was like this is wonderful, a Jew and a Muslim in love and married, and even in the same filed, what a wonderful story. How can you go and do that to her.

Oh and don’t even get me started on the gum chewing single mom, that came forward to spill her guys about your little virtual fling. Miss ma’am, why are you on national government chewing gum during an interview? Also why are you flirting and carrying on with a married man, shouldn’t you be focused on your child? What’s she going to think when she gets older and looks back and old dusty YouTube videos of you? Is that how she should act when she gets older? UGH! What about the children!

And speaking of children, now it comes out that your wife is pregnant, I know she has to be extra super duper pissed right about now. Now she’s definitely stuck with you. No wonder she’s in Africa with Hillary, maybe she’ll find a nice guy there who won’t be a douche.

Mmmmhm blame the geeks.

Mmmmhm blame the geeks.

Now see, had all this happened, and you actually admitted to it when it first occurred, I probably wouldn’t be writing this letter to you. But noooo, that would be too much like right, you had to go and blame a hacker, and lie for an entire week.

I first saw this video while shelling out 104 dollars for my stupid license plate renewal. (I actually kinda believed you for a second).

Before holding a sad press conference and saying, um yeah I did it, and yes that was my Weiner wiener in the picture. And now Megan is talking about you even sent some nekkid wiener pictures, seriously? You didn’t think that you would ever get caught? I guess at least you didn’t sleep with them (I hope that’s true).

And then it gets even deeper, you’re also messing around with a porn star too virtually. (Bet so many guys dream of that.) But then you try to coach her to lie for you. Sheesh, now there’s going to be an investigation to see if you broke any laws. I think if you didn’t for instance let your PR people coach the porn star, then you can keep your job, but if you did break the law then you need to get to stepping. And at least your not a huge hypocrite like those who are all about dictating family values and preserving the “sanctity of marriage” while doing all types of nasty stuff, far worse that what you’ve done so far. Tapping on bathroom floors, just nasty. But anyways, I think that Huma needs to deal with the rest of this. Of course now hussies are going to be coming out of the woodwork to put your business on front street. I hope you don’ t have any overlap with Tiger’s hoes. I really hope Huma makes you miserable for a while, if she does decide to forgive you. So sir, please take a moment to GET YO’SELF TOGETHER! Please don’t let anything else crazy come out so that I have to write you another letter!

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